Managing Expectations during the Holiday Season
This time of year can be an exciting and joyful time for many. Preparing to engage in meaningful traditions and gathering with loved ones can mean a time of celebration and excitement. While there may be enjoyable moments, this time of year can also feel extremely stressful, anxiety-inducing, and dreadful.
With the vivid depiction of what holidays should look like from social media, movies/entertainment, or even our own memories of how things were in the past, you likely have a clear idea of what you expect the holidays will bring. That being said, our expectations for this time of year can be rigid, which can add significant stress onto ourselves during an already emotional time.
You may want everything to be “perfect”, so you do anything and everything you can- buy expensive gifts, make all the recipes, spend significant amounts of money, etc. in an effort to make it special. Oftentimes, it feels that if we put in the effort, that will reflect our enjoyment of the holidays- whether it is physical effort, financial effort, emotional effort, etc., we may feel the need to “go above and beyond” to make things “how they used to be”, or even better than they have felt in the past. This can put significant strain on yourself and your resources, as well as add significant pressure onto yourself to make things “picture perfect”.
Our drive for perfection can not only distract you from the present moment, yet can lead to feelings of stress, overwhelm, or inadequacy.
While we focus so intently on what we can do to make things match our holiday fantasy in our heads, so much of what happens is out of our control- weather threats, illness, past and present relationship difficulties, financial strain, current events/political climate, etc. No matter your effort, there are still things outside of your control that can impact your experience of the holidays.
The key to coping with the stress of this time of year is to manage our expectations. When planning for this time, it is crucial to set realistic expectations.
Here are some quick tips on on how to do that:
Rather than getting specific on how you want things to go, get specific on how you want to feel. Are you looking to feel relaxed? Are you wanting to feel more connected to your family? Are you wanting to feel nostalgic and connect with past memories? Getting specific with how you want to feel can help give perspective on what steps you can take to create an environment where that can happen
Instead of focusing on finding the perfect tangible gift for someone, focus on the impact you want to have. Do you want them to feel loved? Cared for? Seen? Appreciated? There are ways you can offer this beyond giving tangible gifts and experiencing financial stress. You can make homemade gifts that are more affordable (and oftentimes, thoughtful!) that can show your appreciation through your intentions. You can create a playlist of songs that make you think of them, can have a meaningful conversation with them, or could plan a day to spend quality time with them.
While it may be tempting to compare your holiday experience to others, try to limit your time on social media. Social media posts are small, quick, polished snapshots of their experience that likely don’t include the full reality of their holiday experience. It may be helpful to turn off your notifications for the social media apps you frequently scroll on or log out of them during the holidays.
At times, we may feel that it is inappropriate to feel anything but joy during the holidays. Truth be told, the holidays can stir up many different emotions. You may have lost loved ones, experienced changes in relationships, may be experiencing financial limitations this year, etc. Allow yourself to recognize the emotions coming up without (or with minimal) judgment.