Healing doesn’t mean “Fixing”: the Purpose of Therapy

As a mental health provider, I am so grateful that we as a society are having more conversations regarding mental health. Although it is a more frequent topic than ever before, there is still a deeply-held belief that therapy is for the “broken”, the “mentally ill”, the “sick”, or the “weak”. While we as a society seem to be more accepting of the idea of therapy more than ever before, there seems to be an engrained message that going to therapy means you have to admit “failure” in your own ability to manage your situation, or that one is to feel so helpless that they then feel therapy is an option out of desperation. 

From this perspective, clients frequently enter my office emotionally beaten down, feeling an overwhelming sense of “failure”, suffering from a pressured sense of desperation, and feeling as if they need to be saved them from what they are experiencing (with the assumption that it’s the therapist’s job is to help fix them or their situation to make things feel somewhat more manageable). 

Surely, there are situations that happen in life that leave us feeling helpless, untethered, and desperate for help- yet many are plagued by not only their circumstance, yet their inner belief that they are not capable of surviving their situation (or even surviving their own stress response within their own body). 

At this point, when our bodies are working in overdrive to inform us that we been navigating consistent stress for too long without a reprieve, we then may consider seeking therapy (possibly feeling a sense of shame or failure) in order to have someone else fix (with which we assume is synonymous with “heal”) our situation by changing our ways of thinking, by giving us coping mechanisms, and by (hopefully) saving us from the pain and stress  we are feeling. 

While offering coping skills, challenging thought patterns and rigid perspectives, as well as taking an hour out of your week for yourself can be helpful in their own right, therapy is not meant to “fix” you or your situation- for that to be true, we would have to believe you are broken to begin with- and, in fact, you are not broken. 

Think about this… after reading this passage… What is it that typically gets people started in therapy voluntarily? 

It is the fact that they took a moment (even a split second) to check in with themselves, noticed they felt fed up with their situation, and wanted better for themselves.

 They didn’t admit failure- they actually started the process of improving their relationship with themselves by listening to their bodies and not wanting to continue suffering. 

You don’t need a therapist to save you. You don’t need to go to therapy to “fix” yourself or your life. You deserve a space to have your pain and suffering held with compassion, respect, and the care it deserves. You deserve a relationship in which you feel safe, respected, and validated- in a healthy relationship is where true healing can take place. 

You have already survived in spite of experiencing painful, challenging, and debilitating things- imagine how you would have navigated those situations trusting yourself, knowing you are worthy, and believing you deserve good things.